Recently 2 gay men and a straight man wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the first gay man and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They made a movie about it."

The gay man answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the 2nd gay man and, figuring Heaven didn't really want to be seen to be too pro gay, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the 2nd gay man had just seen the movie. "1, 228," he answered.

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter turned to the straight man. "Name them."

1. you complain if your bus/train/tram is more than 5 minutes late. Make that 1 minute
2. you've ever been confused with a Swede
3. you laugh when Americans believe that Swiss Miss is a Swiss product, but then have no clue that Nestlé and Rolex ARE
4. you get frustrated if you go grocery shopping abroad and there aren't at least 10 different kinds of chocolate and 15 kinds of cheese available
5. you have learned three to four languages and think this is completely normal
6. you have ever been asked - upon stating your nationality - whether you live in the mountains
7. you can pronounce "Chuchichäschtli" and you know what it means
8. you have ever been asked who the president of Switzerland is and then failed miserably trying to explain why you've lost track
9. you know what "Röschti" are and you have crossed the "Röschtigrabe" at some point
10. you went to a state-funded ski camp every year with your classmates in high school
11. to you, skis are like the extensions of your feet, because you've skied since you could walk
12. you are amused when people ask you what language (singular???) is spoken in your home country
13. you owned a Swatch growing up... or still do
14. you've ever seen "Sandmännchen" dubbed into Romansch
15. as a female, you give all your friends three kisses on the cheeks as a greeting
16. you love Migros and you swear that some of their products are better than anything you've ever seen elsewhere
17. you've ever been asked by your non-Swiss friends to intervene in a fight and used "hey, I'm Swiss" as an excuse not to
18. your country has six different public television channels in three different languages - and you don't think this is unusual
19. you get amused when you see Swiss German people being subtitled on German television
20. you firmly believe it is more important to do things accurately than to do them quickly
21. you were legally allowed to drink beer and wine at the age of sixteen
22. you walked to kindergarten without supervision, wearing a large orange triangle around your neck
23. you think that Switzerland may eventually join the EU, but you're not truly in favor of that
24. when you are asked to explain how certain things work in your country, you have to use the phrase "it differs for each canton, so..."
25. you are asked to vote on a "Referendum" or "Initiative" at least 3 or 4 times a year
26. you are used to drinking from any public fountain in the street unless there is a warning sign that says "no drinking water"
27. you grew up believing all cows must wear bells
28. you think that driving somewhere for four hours is a hell of a long time
29. you get slightly irritated or at least confused if your foreign visitors ask to see a chocolate factory
30. you know what Betty Bossy books and products are and have bought one
31. you know someone that collects the tin foil lids from coffee cream tubs

(Taken from the blogg of my sister. It is just too good to be true :-) )

Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do pubs have car parks?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Is Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

A water buffalo, known as William Shakespeare, died last night after being hit by a car.

The privately-owned animal, who escaped from a nearby field, was hit by a Fiat Punto near Dalton-in-Furness. The 19-year-old driver had to be cut free by firefighters, and is being treated for minor injuries.

Two other vehicles collided after swerving to avoid the accident, with one of the passengers being treated in hospital for whiplash.

BBC News
Date: Sep 4th, 2007

Would that be a nice haircut for myself? ;-)

irgendwenn chunnt me immer a
irgendeinisch geit's gäng wieder witer
du chsch no so töiff ir Sosse schtah
irgendwenn chunnt me immer a
irgendwo geit e Türe uf
viellech nume ganz e schmale Schpaut
öpper schteit uf irgendöppis druf
u irgendwo geit e Türe uf
irgendeinisch fingt ds Glück eim
irgendwo uf em e Parkplatz
plötzlech schmöckt's wieder wie daheim
irgendeinisch fingt ds Glück eim
irgendwenn weisch wär d'bisch
irgendwenn weisch genau wo de häre ghörsch
öpper schteut es zwöits Tassli uf e Tisch
irgendwenn weisch wär d'bisch
irgendeinisch fingt ds Glück eim
irgend an ere Bushautschteu
plötzlech schmöckt's wieder wie daheim
irgendeinisch fingt ds glück eim

Last night a very shy guy goes came into G-A-Y Bar and sees a stunning guy sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to him and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
He responds by yelling, at the top of his lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the guy walks over to him and apologizes. He smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean £200?"

You can put yourself
Through all kinds of hell
When good love goes bad
Or you can just say
That what comes and goes
Is meant to happen
Time to move on now
Even though each step
Will be hard to climb
But I still believe
Love will come along
Somewhere, someplace, sometime

Something good will come
Out of this I'm sure
I know who I am
If it's up to me
Then I'll be just fine
I don't break easy
I won't count the days
I won't fall apart
No, not anymore
And I won't let go
Of the dream in me
Maybe I'm crazy
Longing for love is not a crime
Keep your heart alive
And love will arrive
Somewhere, someplace, sometime

(song from the musical "Tell me on a Sunday")